As I stood in line at the dollar store yesterday afternoon, a Hershey’s Cookies ‘n’ Creme bar began calling my name. I heard it. Audibly. Really, I did. Since starting Weight Watchers in June, I had not even considered eating a full-size candy bar. A few times I had half of a Hershey bar when making s’mores and I had a few snack-size candy bars over the course of several days around the time of Halloween, but up to this point, I had not indulged in the full-blown yumminess of a regular-sized candy bar. But at that moment, standing there in the dollar store, I wanted it. I needed it. Desperately. I stood there having an internal conversation with myself while that Cookies ‘n’ Creme bar continued to beckon me. Now I was very aware that my response to the candy bar was an emotional one – I was still struggling with some after effects of an important decision I made earlier in the week – and I needed the 3 Cs – some Cookies ‘n’ Creme Comfort. I continued the internal conversation, knowing that the candy bar was only six points and that I had plenty of points left in my day, even with points already allocated for dinner. So I made the conscious decision to buy the candy bar.
After making my purchase, I gathered my bags and went to the car. I took the candy bar out of the bag, but before driving away, I entered the data in my point tracker app on my phone. I then opened the wrapper and held the bar up to my nose, inhaling that scrumptious scent. I broke off three small blocks (there were twelve in all) and slowly savored each one. I swirled the chocolate around in my mouth until it dissolved. It was heavenly! When I got home, I should have put the other nine blocks of the bar away, but I broke off three more and relished each bite. My emotional need had been met and my sweet tooth satisfied, but a little voice in my head said, “Go ahead, Robin. Finish it. You already accounted for the points.” And so I did. It took me an hour to eat the rest of it, but by golly, I was going to finish it since I entered the full six points in my tracker!
By the time I got to the tenth block, the yumminess had dissipated and I was starting to feel a bit queasy. But by that point, I figured I had already eaten 83% of it, there was no going back. So I finished it. All twelve blocks. All six points. All of it. But the feeling of satisfaction was gone and I felt sick to my stomach. A lesson learned, I guess. Twenty-one weeks ago I would have never imagined that a single chocolate bar could bring me anything but pure delight, but my appetite and tastes have changed. I still love chocolate and I will likely indulge in its delectable goodness again in the near future (though probably not too soon!), but hopefully next time I will know when to stop.
Until next time, peace …
A timeline of transformation