Though most people think of a new year starting on January 1, as I reflect on the meaning of that, I’ve come to realize that a new year began for me on June 14, 2012. That is the day I decided I was tired of trying to overcome others’ perceptions of me and my identity as a “fat” person; tired of trying to compensate for my weight by being an overachiever in other areas of my life; tired of being short of breath as I went about my daily activities; and just plain tired of being tired all the time. That is the day I decided to take some control in my life and I joined Weight Watchers online. Though I am a fairly determined person and I generally accomplish those things which I set out to do, my weight was one area of my life that deviated from that resolve. As a perfectionist, it was easier for me not to try at all than to fail. To be quite honest, when I joined Weight Watchers that day, I was not very confident in my ability to be successful. Had someone told me that I would lose 75 pounds in six months, I would have certainly scoffed at them. I could not have imagined that day that I could lose a quarter of my body weight. Yet even when I didn’t believe in myself there were others who did believe in me and I am grateful for their presence on this journey.
Over the last few months many people have said to me, “Wow, you’ve lost a lot of weight. You must feel so much better!” And certainly, to a degree, I do feel better – physically, mentally, emotionally and even spiritually as I continue to live into all that God created me to do and be. Yet, quite honestly, I have not really felt “well.” I have been in a significant amount of pain that has gotten progressively worse over the last several months. And so in November, I made the difficult decision to have a hysterectomy. I should have had this surgery years ago, but until now I was not ready to relinquish all the possibilities for creation that resided within my body. However, after 27 years of dealing with the pain and other symptoms associated with endometriosis (I was diagnosed at age 14), I finally decided enough was enough. I want rid of the pain. My surgery (a total hysterectomy with a bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy – the removal of all my reproductive parts) is scheduled for January 17.
Like June 14, 2012, January 17, 2013 is another New Year’s Day for me. It holds out hope for new possibilities and opportunities to live life to its fullest and to be all that God has created me to be. I appreciate your continued support and prayers in the days and weeks ahead.
Indeed may the new year – whenever it might begin for each of us – be one of new possibilities and opportunities for love, health, happiness and wholeness.
Until next time, peace …